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Story Collecting
This page is dedicated to helping you honor and preserve the events, relationships and emotions that have made your loved ones into who they are today. Search for your family tree for free, then collect their stories to save for future generations.
Most of us will eventually regret not writing down our personal & family stories. Often, we don't think to record the priceless stories of our relatives' lives until they are gone—taking their priceless histories with them. What we wouldn't give for another chance to glimpse their tales from the past!
I'm always thinking of things I'd like to ask of my deceased mother and grandparents. I wonder: What sort of understanding could they provide me in this difficult part of my life? How did they deal with discouraging times? What were their thoughts when they first held me? What were their most memoriable times? What lessons did I never give them the time to teach me?
None of us can go back in time. The best we can do to preserve our family histories is tap into what's available now. We can listen to our elderly relatives and friends and document their stories. We can approach each family gathering with a sense of responsibility to collect as much of our family histories as we can. But there's often one small problem: It's not always easy to get these folks to talk.
Some people feel a sense of privacy about sharing stories of their earlier selves. On the other hand, many older folks enjoy sharing their memories, especially if it means they have your undivided attention. The key to successfully gathering your family history lies in how you approach the task at hand.
HERE ARE eight steps to get you started on a fun 'story collecting' trail.
1. Be Prepared
Carry a tape recorder wherever you go.
It would be very unfortunate to visit your 91-year-old uncle without a tape recorder and catch him in the mood to reminisce. Your next visit might be at his funeral. (This happened to me.) Keep a thought-provoking list of questions you can ask your relatives. Now and then, slip a question from your list into informal conversations, either in person, via e-mail, on the telephone or in letters. AND if you do get caught at a funeral: pass out sheets of paper and ask people to write down their favorite memory or story of the deceased. These will become very precious.
2. Visit a Relative's Hometown
Familiar surroundings are often helpful in triggering memories. Drive around town perusing the places where they lived, went to school and played in the past. They may have a story to tell at every corner... record all of them. Perhaps your great-uncle had a horse when he was a boy. Visit local stables, and see if he'll talk about his own equestrian experiences.
3. Plan a Family Reunion
Invite everyone—aunts, uncles, cousins and step-family members. Bring a camera, a tape recorder and plenty of film, tapes and batteries. Spend the weekend breaking into conversations. If the folks aren't reminiscing, plant a seed. Say, for example, "Do you ladies remember when you used to play together as children? Who was the bossy one?" That ought to get a conversation started. Or ask a group of men who are standing around, "Which one of you handsome men always got the girl (or caught the most fish or drove the nicest car)?" Encourage others to help you collect bits of your family history. Give willing volunteers the name of a family elder and a list of questions. Before the reunion is over, have everyone sign a guest book (phone & email) so you can keep in touch. Share the stories you've collected, this will generate still more stories.
4. Celebrate During the Holidays
Family gatherings have a way of encouraging the flow of memories. The tradition associated with the holidays should naturally prompt some reminiscing of holidays past. If you think your family will need an extra nudge to get talking, you can plan ahead. If your relatives are receptive to the idea, you can assign each family member, in advance, a subject to talk about at the dinner table. For example, if Uncle Milden grew up in the country, ask him to talk about the differences between his holiday celebrations in the rural 30s and those he celebrated in more recent times. Bring everyone into the conversation, young and old. Each of you could share stories of your favorite holiday gifts or most memorable holiday moments.
5. Share a Common Interest
Participating together in a hobby or working together on a project is a surefire way to start the flow of life stories. My grandmother and mother used to spend afternoons together doing needlework or tying quilts. It proved to be a great opportunity to listen to them reminisce. I enjoy going fishing with my dad.
6. Dig Out the Old Photos
Old photos are natural prompts to bring stories to mind. Sit down with a box or album of old pictures and ask your relatives about each of them. Make old photos the focus of a family party. Have family members and friends bring an old photo to share. Scan them and post them to a family web site. It will be a big hit and will start lots great of storytelling. Ask friends and relatives to send a picture and a story about a memorable time spent with Dad or Grandpa. Compile an album or website for him and wait for the additional spontaneous stories as he studies each page.
7. Use Pet Therapy
If you have a pet, invite the animal lovers in your family to spend time with you and your furry friend. If you don't have your own pet, arranging a visit with a borrowed well-behaved dog or cat will suffice. Spending time with an animal might unlock forgotten corners of your elderly loved ones' minds. Place a kitten in someone's lap or lay a puppy on the couch beside them, the stories will flow.
8. Start a Family Newsletter
Solicit stories from family members, create a newsletter and send it via e-mail or regular mail to as many relatives as you can reach. This is a great way to keep in touch and to discover some of that elusive, priceless family history.
Don't let another relative leave this earth with his or her life story untold. Tap into the family history memory banks NOW, and document those wonderful histories.
These 8 Steps appeared in the May 2003 issue of Personal Journaling Magazine by Patricia Fry. I modified much of it to suit my own tastes.
Mike & The Mechanics - The Living Years
From the album "The Living Years"
Every generation
Blames the one before
And all of their frustrations
Come beating on your door
I know that I'm a prisoner
To all my Father held so dear
I know that I'm a hostage
To all his hopes and fears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years
Crumpled bits of paper
Filled with imperfect thought
Stilted conversations
I'm afraid that's all we've got
You say you just don't see it
He says it's perfect sense
You just can't get agreement
In this present tense
We all talk a different language
Talking in defence
Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye
So we open up a quarrel
Between the present and the past
We only sacrifice the future
It's the bitterness that lasts
So Don't yield to the fortunes
You sometimes see as fate
It may have a new perspective
On a different day
And if you don't give up, and don't give in
You may just be O.K.
Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye
I wasn't there that morning
When my Father passed away
I didn't get to tell him
All the things I had to say
I think I caught his spirit
Later that same year
I'm sure I heard his echo
In my baby's new born tears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years
Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye
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Muirhouse Family History Services
Orem, Utah 84097
USA
Phone: (801) 319-2539
Relocated from Springville, Utah in Sept 2006, then from West Jordan, Utah in April 2007.
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