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A Fun Way to Describe Myself - Make your Own!
My name is John Paul
I am a dynamic figure, often seen looking out windows and crushing keyboards. I have been known to wander about on my lunch breaks, making them less efficient in the area of fat retention. I've had my writing published by McGraw-Hill. I can manage time efficiently, but prefer not to. Occasionally, I tread water for three minutes in a row. I own a nice towel.
I impress women with how well I sit up in chairs and my humorous storytelling, I can pilot sailboats up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in dark caves, a veteran in love, and outlawed in the Cayman Islands.
Using only a stick and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a campsite in the Redwoods from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play classical trumpet (mouthpiece only), I was scouted by the LAN Times, and I've been the subject of numerous covert discussions. When I'm bored, I build epic soap opera scripts in my mind. I enjoy 4-wheel driving and can spot spiders on the road at 35 MPH. After work, I help repair broken lives free of charge. I prance & dance.
I am an awful abstract artist, a business analyst, and a Ruthless cook. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of un-retouched family photos. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet receive fan mail from Ed McMann. I have been caller #9 and have won big money. One summer I toured Montana with a jar of maggots. I bat .200. My deft floral arrangements have earned me local fame. Children and dogs trust me. I killed and ate Bambi. I've seen my own kneecap. My nose is pierced like a cannibal and the Colorado River swallowed me up.
I believe women are from Venus. I cry when I need to. I like New Age, Bach, Celtic, and CCR. I've been to a Monkees concert and caught a drumstick from Iron Butterfly. I have a sailboat, motorcycle, and my very own VCR. The snow that falls on me is cold and white. The rain that falls on me is often wet. I've boated in Amsterdam's canals. I've been courted by the widow of a famous dictator: also by teachers, artists, nurses, and a cowgirl. I've collected Virgin Island coral and had it sting me. I learn things. I remember happy thoughts and feelings…and was nearly killed by a 'friendly' M-60 battle tank.
I've swatted badminton birdies at slow moving opponents with deadly accuracy. I once read III Nephi 17, Willpower is Not Enough, and Information Week in one day and still had time to muck out an entire kitchen that evening. I know how to find the exact location of my favorite food items in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the MIA. I sleep well once in a while. In Canada, I successfully negotiated with an abusive father who had terrorized an entire campground. I've driven to Canada just to buy their fine chocolate bars.
The laws of physics, thermodynamics, and the State of Utah often apply to me. I can fly. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and some of my bills are paid. On weekends, I fish, camp, write letters, participate in full-contact shadow karate and ride scooters with a 12-year old girl. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four-course meals using only leftovers and a microwave oven. I've bred prizewinning guppies (smuggled from the Caribbean in a bottle of mineral water).
I've won a fistfight in California, cliff-diving dares at Lake Powell, and spelling bees with John Muir. I have played a tooth-bug in theater, and sing well in the shower. I have survived broken-heart therapy (at least twice), and I learned to walk after breaking my back.
I have spoken with God.
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Muirhouse Family History Services
Orem, Utah 84097
USA
Phone: (801) 319-2539
Relocated from Springville, Utah in Sept 2006, then from West Jordan, Utah in April 2007.
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